What will it take for me to move into the place with You I desire, one where my personal awareness is not of me but of You? I struggle with seeing me, my issues, my wants, my direction. Your words bring so much hope and possibility, yet that is the future and not now, or so it seems. I live in the present and my life seems unchanged day to day, with the exception of Your thoughts toward me.
Yet, I sometimes feel as if that is not enough for me to change the course of my life. I continue as I have always, hoping for something different to manifest that my course of action would be firmly established in You. I think I need more, want more; something different. Yet I am unsure of even that; should there be more of You I have not seen? Or would I become used to that too, and desire something else? Am I in a place of frustration, such that I revert to past behaviors?
I seem to be in a place of sadness – my family moving away, work not fulfilling, just a few things that capture my interest at any one moment. It’s difficult to look forward with interest; seemingly without motivation, without seeing something different within You. I don’t blame You; You have given my heart so much release in You that I sought for so long. I would not trade this walk for any other. I guess I need more, want more. Or even more encouragement.
You are struggling with the unknown within Me. It would be easier for you to know the times of the seasons, the future, events that would ease your being by knowing how to prepare for them. It would be insight into things unknown by any other, and that would make you feel involved in My plans, seeing eternity unfold before your eyes.
And yet that is exactly what is happening – you are just not in a place of seeing perfectly yet, of understanding My heart as it unfolds towards you. Our walk remains a daily journey of the revealed and the unknown. It is a walk of faith, and not of sight. Your heart will find its peace only in Me; outside of Me and it’s unsure, unsteady, questioning. It is what you are experiencing now – being outside of Me, on your own.
It is the wandering sheep – but I will always look for you, that where I am you would always be. Understand this will happen at times. But also understand I will always find you, and restore you to Me. I am not judgmental – I would have you with Me always.
Your heart is learning contentment in Me – you are aware, and fully know, that where we are now together is where we should be and will be. This needs to be a place of trust and patience. Is patience for only a short time, then lost? Or is it also something developed within? Am I revealed in man’s timing? Are there storms that remain in your life without My attention? Are there places to be by your schedule? Would you miss the moments along the way for the destination of your thoughts? All these are of character – that which you have walked within the past on your own but now are learning to walk within differently with Me.
Be gentle with yourself; be kind and forgiving of your issues even as I am. Know this walk we have together is not a light switch – once the way you have always walked, now instantly a walk you adapt to easily. Even now I speak with you – would you not want to delve a little deeper into that, discover more within our conversations, know more of us? A bit more in that direction might lead to less in a direction you would not want to go.
I am always here – know that I will bring about all in your life that will bring you into all that you are in Me.
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